T'was the day after Christmas and all through the valley,
Not a creature was stirring, all hidden in the alley.
The stocking were missing, taken down by the pirates,
Stealing all the treasures, and throwing them in crates.

The dinkies crouched down, behind the fur tree,
With visions of bodies and all broken at the knee.
With Ma in her gown, and I in my tailcoat,
Had just poured sauce on my plate from a gravy boat.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I jumped from my seat the silence now shattered.
Away to the window and threw open the glass
to see large feet pressing the snow into grass.

I ran to the door, just as a bulb fell,
I poked my head out and found a pirate on the rail.
He was taking my lights so lively and quick,
One piece, two pieces, nary a moment to think.

I looked at my wife, so frightened and shaking,
I pulled her along, my legs heavily quaking.
I shoved her in the closet, and bolted the door,
Her tears and crying, I could see nor hear, no more.

I ran to my office, 2 steps at a time,
I turned on the telegraph and waited for the chime.
I sent out this message, my thoughts misaligned.
Weefolkenshire is under attack, the pirates are robbing us blind.

The wire came back with a bustle and bang,
“Help is on its way, what a terrible crime.”
“Stay safe inside, they’re bringing their gang,”
“Please hurry, come fast,” I said “before we run out of time.”